When people are in love, they talk about how they feel about that person; how much that person means to them, how much they love them, how they think about them all the time. Of course, those things are extremely important. But I think more importantly is how that person makes you feel about yourself.
I love Rod, so very much. And I do think about him all the time and he does mean everything to me. But more importantly he makes me feel special, important, sexy, relevant. I have never felt this way about myself before. He makes me feel good about myself, about my life, and about the person who I am. He doesn’t judge me for my decisions, he doesn’t make me feel unworthy because I disagree with him on something. He makes me feel smart and like my opinion matters. He makes me feel like I’m someone who everyone should want to be around, and want to listen to. He makes me feel valid. So many times in my life I have felt like my thoughts weren’t important, or worthy of anyone taking them seriously. Now I feel incredible and I know it’s because of him.
When you are with someone for 4 years who makes you feel unworthy, irrelevant and unimportant, it starts to take a toll on your self-esteem. I had no idea how much of a toll that had taken on my self-esteem until I started feeling good about myself again.
Now I feel like I could stand up to anyone, like I could scream out my feelings without being afraid someone will judge me, like I’m someone who others would be lucky to know. I feel sexy for the first time in my life. Shouldn’t all women feel sexy? I certainly think so! But sadly I never even realized how not sexy I have always felt until I felt sexy. He compliments me all the time and I believe him. He tells me that anyone who ever made me feel anything other than beautiful is crazy. He tells me that everyone should think I’m beautiful because I am. But it’s more than just his words. The way he looks at me says, “I think your beautiful and sexy.” The way he touches me and smiles at me tells me how amazing he thinks I am.
I feel so incredible. I feel beautiful, sexy, important, relevant, special…for the first time in my 32 years. Of course I have had other people compliment me and I certainly have known people who thought I was pretty and smart and important, but I’ve never felt it all at the same time, and to this degree. I had completely given up all hope that a man would ever make me feel those things. Apparently the world wasn’t ready to give up on me though, and I couldn’t be happier about that!