When I hear others talk about why they have decided to be childfree, time and money often come in to the conversation. They discuss how they thought about all the things they like to do and how they may not be able to do those things if they had children. For example, they like to travel and realize that with children, that would be hard or impossible to do. They love to read and have quiet time, which would also be hard or impossible to do with children. That wasn’t the case with me. I declared as a child that I did not want children. As a 15-year-old girl, I did not think about all the extra time and money I would have once I was a childfree adult. Those things never occurred to me. The only thing I knew at 15 was that I did not like babies. At that age, I did not realize there was anything strange about not having children, so I was very open in announcing my decision. What is most interesting to me is that I felt so strongly about it, and now at 32 I feel no differently, except now I can appreciate all the extra time and money that I do have.
When I was 15 years old, I wanted to be a Marine Biologist, which has drastically changed over the years; I thought that there was nothing worse than not being liked by someone, and that has changed drastically; I was extremely self-conscious of my body and only wore super loose clothing, which has also changed as I have gotten used to my figure; I thought that my mom was soooo annoying, which has drastically changed and now I realize what a fantastic mother she is and always was. But for some reason, my thought of being childfree has not changed at all. There has never been a time in my life when I really wanted children. There was a time when I tried to make myself think I wanted them because I started to realize how unusual my decision was, but I never really wanted them. It’s so curious how different of a person I am today than I was when I was 15, and yet I still have the same thoughts on that extreme major life decision.
You’re very lucky you don’t have to question your choice. It’s no fun being a fence-rider. Or maybe it’s just called being neurotic…
Liz – I do feel fortunate that I am so confident in my decision. I read a lot about others, like yourself, who still aren’t sure and I sympathize with their struggles. I also read about women who desperately want to have children but cannot. I feel very blessed that I was able to make such a permanent decision, feel good about it and have control over it. But know that however your life turns out, there will be good and bad parts, so being able to focus on the good is not always easy but essential. And I am a strong believer in what is meant to be will be, so you will figure it out.
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